I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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