it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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