hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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