jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
