wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
