Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
