Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
