Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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