Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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