im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do herpes really smell.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
