I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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