dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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