I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
