She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
