I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
