gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
