if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
