I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
