based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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