she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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