dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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