I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
