My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize