Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
