I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
