I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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