Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
