where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize