dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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