I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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