his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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