I cockslap morals
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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