WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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