I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
