a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize