forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
