He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
