September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
