fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
