So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
