I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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