Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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