she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
