i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
two words...techno handjob
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
