Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
