Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
