Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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