Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
