The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
