I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
