i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
