Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
