I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
