I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
