I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
