Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
