My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
