no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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