stop calling my apartment porn island.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
