i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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