I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
