The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
whose parrot is this?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
