Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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