oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
last night I used snow as a chaser
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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