She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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