I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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