You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
