That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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