Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
