Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
