so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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