I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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